The Sleep Cartel
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You are probably sleeping wrong.
It's time to make your bedroom a sleep fortress.

We sell stuff that makes you sleep better. Like, actually better. Not "wellness influencer better."

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We actually test this stuff

Every product gets used by real insomniacs (us). If it doesn't work, it doesn't make the cut.

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No pseudoscience BS

We only sell stuff backed by actual science. Not "wellness guru" science. Real science.

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Honest AF descriptions

We tell you exactly what stuff does. No "life-changing." Just real help for 3am.

⏰ Your 24-Hour Sleep Optimization

When to use each product(organized by time of day)

Follow the timeline. Better sleep starts the moment you wake up.

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6-9 AM

Wake Up

Start your day right with natural light

Action Steps

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Get 10-30 minutes of natural sunlight within 1 hour of waking

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If no sun available, use a 10,000 lux light therapy lamp

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Avoid hitting snooze - it fragments your sleep cycles

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Drink water immediately to rehydrate

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9 AM - 6 PM

Daytime Prep

Manage stress throughout the day

Action Steps

Cut off caffeine by 2 PM (it has an 8-hour half-life)

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Exercise in the morning or early afternoon, not close to bedtime

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Take magnesium/L-theanine supplements in afternoon

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Practice stress management - meditation, deep breathing

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6-9 PM

Wind Down

Start relaxing before bed

Action Steps

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Turn off all screens 1-2 hours before bed (blue light kills melatonin)

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Eat dinner 3+ hours before sleep - no heavy meals late

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Start lowering room temperature to 65-68°F (18-20°C)

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Read physical books, journal, light stretching

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Take a warm bath/shower to trigger temperature drop

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9-11 PM

Bedtime Setup

Optimize your sleep environment

Action Steps

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Room should be 65-68°F (18-20°C) - cooler is better

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Use only dim, warm lighting (red/amber is best)

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Block or mask all noise with white/brown noise

Make room pitch black - cover ALL light sources

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Ensure good air quality and circulation

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11 PM - 6 AM

Deep Sleep

Stay asleep all night long

Action Steps

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Breathe through your nose only (use mouth tape if needed)

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Use eye mask and ear plugs for sensory deprivation

If you wake up, don't check the time - creates anxiety

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Never use phone or turn on lights if you wake up

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If awake 20+ min, get up and do something boring until sleepy